Saturday, November 15, 2003

 

I took a fat shit today. It was soothing and relaxing. It must have come from the depths of my bowels due to the immmense pizza I had for dinner last night. Oh, the pizza was awesome, yes. It had tomatoes and bacon and feta cheese on it. I watched some television while I ate it, but I cant remember the name of the show what I watched. It was that show on public television where people bring in items they's found in they garage or attic, like dolls and cabinets and plates and records, and get them evaluated by appraisers. One of the items was a handwritten document from Andrew Jackson, and it was worth a hundred thousand dollars. I was amazed at it, for real. I mean, the folks behind the appraisers were peeping over his shoulder just to get a glimpse of it, and when he said the thing was worth that much, I nearly choked on my crust.
I swear that pizza was awesome.
I've got some leftovers I'm gonna eat for lunch today too.

You should'a seen that shit, tho. It kinda creeped around the inside of the toilet bowl like a snake and I felt a like hundred pounds lighter. It was one of them shits that should have been bronzed and set up in a museum or something. cuz it was pure art. I felt like I was Monet and shit. Modern art straight outta my asshole. I was reading the newest Vanity Fair and even though I should have gotten up and left the bathroom as soon as I was done, I just sat there, reading and feeling all good.

I was so proud I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs at the world:
"look at my shit!"

but instead, I just flushed it down, and lit a candle in commemoration. now, the bathroom has none of the stink that should be... nope. just the scent of that candle.

posted by Hog 10:52 AM