The Official Hog Blog
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Oh, hey and speaking of monks did you hear that
KFC is finally opening a store in tibet?Am I overreacting, or do buddhist monks really want KFC in their neighborhood? Hell, I dont want KFC in MY neighborhood. They stink.
Seriously, even before a man wakes up by the godawful sound of his alarm clock...
he lives near KFC, he'll be awakened by the smell.
I lived over near the Grand Lake Theatre a few years back, and the very thing happened to me. Not to mention I lived with a big ole dog named Arlo, who loved to eat so much she weighed in at a good ole 150 pounds. thats mighty big for a K-9. she'd get so worked up over that smell that she'd go crazy, like woody woodpecker crazy where she'd scoot around on her butt, just howling like she was in some sort of pain by not getting any of the chicken that wafted in and out of our tiny studio. imagine that, a 150 pound rottweiler doing the boot scootin boogie over food she pines for. she was, like, in love with greasy ass fast food.
I dont want monks to start going insane on account of anything. especially greasy ass fast food.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
dont tell me I'm over-reacting. you should never ever mug a buddhist monk.
and try to tell me I'm wrong.
you wont win that argument, pal.
Monday, January 05, 2004
Mr. Will You Please Not Eat My Bunny?
there is no cause for alarm. stay calm. sure, sure you've heard this before, I'm serious this time. but please just sit down, yes right there in the beaned-bag. that one on the floor will do, no no... the reddish brown one that i bought for you this morning. it matches the carpeting and looks as if you've been sucked into oblivion. it makes you feel like yr on mars, but it also makes it seem as tho youve been broadcasting in 3-d. red and red and green. ok now please just open your mouth and close your eyes and your going to be in for a big surprise. i'm serious, it will be hilarious. a great big surprise, come on, just close yr eyes and open yr mouth, please. yr not looking are you? i see you peeking and i'm not giving you jack shit until i know yr eyes are totally closed. they closed. oky dokey. here you go!
(gulp)
[hm. it tastes great, but i cant seem to place what it is. 'say, hog, what is this?' i hope he can hear me cuz i dont know how long i'm supposed to chew on this. 'hog? hey hog?!?! this is mighty tastey, but i cant seem to place exactly what it is? i'm not gonna get some kinda SARS or Mad Cow diseases am i?']
{heh heh}
{its that goddamned rabbit I been fixin to cook since i first saw it}
[oh man, he cooked that rabbit. that same rabbit that shit all over lil suzy isley's trapper kreeper. 'damn this bunny is sweet.' i cant believe he finally broiled that lil varmint 'whats yr girl gonna say about her bunny being gone?']
{aw shit, you know I'll just get her a new pet. Maybe a ferret this time. something a little less lethargic. something that i can chase under the couch, and slip into my slacks}
['mmm, tasty']
{yeh, aint it?}.
