The Official Hog Blog
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
No matter how many times a guy can win, it won't matter as long as he loses anything at all, but I won that night. I bluffed a couple of hands, and even owned up to a pair of threes that fooled the whole table into believing I had me a flush. The Gooch was not happy about that one.
"shit," she says," I had me a pair of eights and you got threes?!?!"
Each hand had something to brag about, and mostly I was trying to keep a poker face when the best hands came around. Four kings, three Queens, a flush, a straight flush, and twenty one. Bags left early, probably a good thing or he would'a lost his cash too.
By two a.m. we still had a few people to play three or four more games, and the whiskey bottle came to the table. We poured a few, slurred our way through a game of Whorehound and Blackjack, got drunker.
By morning, I was hungover but happy with an extra few dollars to speak of...
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
I'm never one to discount the humour found in disgusting practices, or weird societal occurrences. And so, today I must alert you to the news I've read on a website that could be today's own version of the Enquirer, except that it features legit articles, many of which are ridiculous. Its the smoking gun!
and the news:
" SEPTEMBER 1--Meet Austin Gullette. The 45-year-old Louisiana man was arrested Monday night for pig fornication (technically known as a "crime against nature" in the bayou). According to Ouachita Parish Sheriff's deputies, Gullette's own sister caught him violating her animal, a 125-pound Vietnamese potbelly named PePie. She was alerted to the crime by the sound of squealing, which apparently emanated from the pig. If convicted of the felony count, Gullette--pictured in the below mug shot from the Ouachita Correctional Center--faces a maximum of five years in prison, where it would be a good idea not to admit what landed him in the clink."
Sunday, October 17, 2004
"I'll take a redneck over a hipster any old day," I told him after checking out his brand new trucker hat and unmatching striped socks,"but checking out your clothes, you've given both a bad name."
There is a fine line, these days, between hipsterisms and good ole boy fashions.
dig the trucker hats, a long time fashion no-no to anyone calling themselves hip.
today, hot young types from Hollywood to Soho wear it out like it were a new belt.
A new white belt, mind you. There are stores dedicated to this "low-brow" fashion on Haight Street, selling high priced trucker hats and AC/DC Krokus Motley Crue concert tees and why?
because being down, beat, street or otherwise wise to the rougher hues of life is cool. and being cool is really what you want, now isn't it?
It's also cool to express hipster irony. It's funny that a concert tee from this band is obviously out of fashion. it's kitschiness and self-deprecating all at the same time. A hipster's wet dream.
"rednecks are racist," he said
"so are hipsters."
"rednecks are totally lame"
"dude, you are lame."
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
"c'mon lets go," he said and my eyes were half open. the eye hockey forming in the corner as lack of sleep set in. my body hadnt gone prostrate in what seemed like days, and i felt like i could have dry heaved my way to the next stop.
"c'mon lets go," he repeated, and i stared him down with the stink eye.
"aint you gonna rest? aint you got to get some sleep sometime?"
"no time to sleep, the big sleep is comin."
and he pulled me up by my arm to drag me outta there, no questions asked I was ready to go, the big sleep is comin' and I was about to push my self through to keep from gettin' there too soon.
i needed a rest, but he was awake for three days. in a cab, he'd catch a few winks. between sets, he'd nod off for fifteen minutes, or after dinner, he'd take a quick nap. the man could literally go on and on without sleep. how he kept time on stage without falling over was beyond me. i could barely keep my face up and out of my breakfast half the time.
