Tuesday, January 04, 2005

 

My wife decided to leave me. Whats worse is that she was to take her jewelry with her and split sometime the next week. She’d grown tired of having to wait for me nearly every night while I gambled away most of our savings. She’d lock up the diamonds in a safebox, pack up a few other things into the truck and head south to live with her mother in Huntington. At least that's what I overheard her whispering to her friend Mikaela last Saturday.

Got a guy who makes a living spying on people to help me out. Got him to trail her. If I was to get to the jewels before she up and split, I had to take drastic measures “You gotta place some trust in me, Mac,” he tole me, “ I can bug the phones, but you get me a little more cheddar and I’ll follow ‘er around the town for a few days.”

Have the phone bugged? Who’s ta say I was gonna get her to spill the beans yappin’ on the phone? And this mug makes it like I’m hedging my bets.
“Man, I don’t want to have to do nothing I’m gonna regret,” I told him, “a man can only lose one wife to fishing accidents per lifetime. It’s like a rule or something, and if I break that rule, things is gonna look wrong and jail is not an option for me at my age”


“Riley, she may have the gumption to up and spirit these rocks away before she’d been planning on it,” he said, “we got to strike while the iron is hot.”
I liked the way he said "spirit," so I gave him some more cheese and told him she didn’t have no job but that he could find her at the yoga studio on Cherry Street or the coffee shop next door where she pretended to read Nietzche. He counted the money while a fruit fly buzzed around his head. I wanted to smack that fly, but I prolly would’a landed a wallop on his fat head. I didn’t wanna affend this guy before he’d stolen my wife’s diamonds.

posted by Hog 11:58 PM