The Official Hog Blog
Friday, December 16, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
We Get Letters
Here at Hog Headquarters we like to throw most our correspondence away. We don't get much more then a few offers for cheaper indian food, some bills that should have already gone out, and one or two letters which I respond to promptly. Even before the bills.
Recently, this one fell into my lap.
Dear Hog Blog,
I've been known to party pretty hard, but lately I've been drinking too much beer and puking all over myself and onto my friends!
what should I do?
Sincerely,
Gee Gee
Dear Gee Gee,
first of all, stop puking all over the place and go get a White Russian.
That should set you straight.
Also, make sure you only get that drunk around strangers.
yours truly,
Hog
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Couple'a weeks ago, the group did a gig at some bar near the Castro called Cafe D__ N____. It was a wedding and the couple knew the owner so he had the whole place all decked out with flowers and the food and drinks were free.
The bride's son, from her first marriage was in the School of Rock Band, where kids learn to play guitars and drums and bass and keyboards. Eventually they're taught to play an entire record, like Pink Floyd's "The Wall," or The Who's "Tommy."
This kid reminded me of Angus Young.
Friday, December 02, 2005
“Are you gonna take the job, or what,” asked Marty, “My wife’s in Vancouver for the next two weeks, so that gives you plenty of time to case the joint…”
“Wait, wait, case the joint? Do I look like Sam Spade?”
“Sam Spade was the detective and you’re going to rob my wife, not solve a mystery,” Marty continued on without missing a beat, “MaryAnn is in Vancouver for one more week. I can leave the basement doors unlocked. After you’ve clipped electricity to the building, sneak in and get that hat box in the closet where she keeps them diamonds.”
“What’s my cut?” asked Dennis, clueless to Marty Nine’s true intentions.
“We’ll split the whole lot of ‘em. Fifty/fifty. You just get me that box, unopened.” Marty said, “I’ll open it and we’ll split them diamonds fifty/fifty. Remember, one week. She gets back on Friday; do the job on Thursday.”
Marty knew that in that box, along with all of her jewelry, MaryAnn kept all the change she’d saved up since she was a teenager, dipping into it for bus fare or laundry day, but she never touched the pennies, and in that stash of pennies was a wheat penny worth three times as much as any jewelry. Four, maybe five times as much as any necklace or earring.
With the electricity out, Marty’s plan was to leave for his mother-in-law’s place a few blocks away, giving Dennis a clean path to nick the box, making sure to leave a messy exit, so the cops could see the house had been robbed. When they ask about his whereabouts, he'd have an alibi with his mother-in-law, and becuase Dennis was only the paperboy no one would suspect him in the least.
