Wednesday, May 30, 2007

 

I was thrown into a pool before I could talk properly, at age four or five. So long ago, I can't even remember the first time. The shallow end was nice and easy, playing tag and marco polo. But I watched with amazement at the kids who were big enough and old enough to swim in the deep end. I practiced holding my breath under water for extended periods, knowing that if I had to I could swim from the deep end to the shallow end by the mere strength of my lungs. Heck, I could stay underwater for an hour it seemed. Eventually, I did swim in the deep end, but I resisted the diving board and the deep end as long as I could.

The older kids able to swan dive, cannon-ball and flip off the spring board made me long to make those leaps. They always pulled themselves out of the water with smiles, and often ran back to do it again as soon as possible. I'd sit with my chin in my hands and stare as they'd pull gainers and jackknife with a kick to get the biggest splash. Oftentimes huge splashes that soaked the lifeguards, getting them benched like some sort of technical foul.

You get fifteen minutes!

These were the guys I idolized for pulling tricks on bikes and skateboards, guys who were allowed to go hunting and always caught the biggest fish in the smallest of creeks, fellas who cussed, spat tobacco, and the girls swooned over for their coolness. I wanted to feel that. I wanted to fel that comfort and coolness and that unflappability.

It wasn't until I realized that every one of those guys had to be where I was first, afraid to jump and looking at what seemed a great drop with almost certainly terrific deformities if an accident happened, that I knew it would be as easy as walking. It could be as instinctial as blinking, with just a huge amount of faith, and knowing that everything is going to be just fine. With that faith, I could make the leap, land safely in the water, swim to the deck, run back to the ladder and make the dive again.

Approaching fatherhood is a bit like approaching the edge of a diving board for the first time. It looks quite daunting, but the allure of the cool water is tantalizing and exciting. The joyous flying feeling of diving off and up into the air outweighs the fear.

posted by Hog 7:11 PM